


Hate

by KarrieBW



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Mello is the narrator, Shotacon, Wammy's Era, Witnessed and there's nothing explicit but it's there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:01:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23108152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KarrieBW/pseuds/KarrieBW
Summary: Mello sees something he shouldn't have seen. He doesn't seem to deal well with the consequences.
Relationships: L & Near | Nate River, L/Near | Nate River
Comments: 29
Kudos: 17





	Hate

**Author's Note:**

> Looking back at this old work, it makes me think; wow, Mello sure is such an unreliable narrator!

I don’t think I’ve ever hated someone as much as I hate Near.

Ever since the first moment I saw him, I know us two wouldn’t get along. And as the time passed, I grew to despise him. I started to despise the way he speaks with no sign of emotion in his voice, the way he walks slowly as though he has all the time in the world, the way he’s always playing with his snowy-white hair, the way he always makes perfect calculations, the way he instantly became everyone’s favourite student in here!

From the first moment he came here he stole everything from me! My position as the first successor to L, my dignity, the other children’s respect, even L’s attention!

And up until recently, I thought there was no reason for this. That L just paid him more mind because, unlike me, he never created any problems and was quite similar to him at whatever he did.

Oh, how wrong I had been…

Now I know that there’ll always be a reason for everything. Always.

I discovered the reason why Near is L’s “favourite” a few days ago.

I remember it clearly. There is no way I’ll ever forget that day in my life.

It was a warm August day. L made an unexpected visit to the orphanage, so any classes or studies we had, were cancelled for that day. Because of L’s arrival, everyone was happy and there was a cheerful spirit amongst all of us. Well, that applied to everyone except Near. He didn’t even bother changing his facial expression. As if L’s visit meant absolutely nothing to him!

Anyways, after a brief discussion we all had with L, it was announced to us that we were free to do whatever activity we want until lunch.

I would have liked to continue studying for a test in Physics, but Dice, Jade, and a few others made me play football with them.

When the match was over, I decided to return to my room to study.

Unfortunately for me, however, I need to get past the Playroom that the orphanage has for the smaller children in order to get to my room. The fact in itself, is not bad. But the fact that Near is keeping himself busy there for the most of the day, as if he’s still five (when his true age is twice as much) is terrible.

I had the intention of ignoring him as I was passing by the half-opened door of the Playroom, but that chance wasn’t given to me.

Before I walked away from the door, I heard a voice coming from that room. A voice that wasn’t Near’s. A voice just as much of a monotone as his, only more mature and masculine.

L!

Firstly, I wondered why he had to pay a visit to Near, out of all the other kids, but my question was answered rather quickly.

“There is a great possibility that I won’t be able to make it here for your birthday”. L said. “So, I wanted to give this to you”.

As much as I knew it wasn’t right, I leaned my head to the small opening to take a look. Thankfully, both of them had their backs turned to me.

L was holding a plastic robot, still new in its colourful box, close to Near, with his thumb and index finger. He left the puzzle pieces he was holding in his hands and accepted L’s gift.

As L’s main successors, myself and Near have the “privilege” of L remembering our birthdays. To be honest, L brings me gifts each year at the day of my birthday too, but for some reason, when I saw Near taking his present, I felt angered. Maybe because L remembered Near’s birthday beforehand. I know that if I were in his place, L wouldn’t have bothered to bring me my gift earlier. He’d give it to me sometime later, when he had the time.

“Thank you”. Near said with no sign of emotion in his voice whatsoever. “Is the reason you won’t be able to be here a new case?”

“More or less”. L answered. “I’ll announce that I’m taking up the case officially when I return back to France, but because I couldn’t be certain how much time it’ll take, I wanted to see you first”.

At that moment, so many questions had welled up in my mind.

L never talked to us about his cases. At all. Whatever we wanted to be informed about, we learned it from the newspapers. Why would he explain whether he’s busy or not to Near?

And why would L want to see Near so much that he’d be late to take up a case?

A smile appeared across Near’s lips. It was the first time that I saw him smile. At first it seemed… wrong to me. Or…plainly unnatural… I couldn’t decide from what little I could see through the door. It was like…his face wasn’t made to change expression…much less to smile…

“I’m glad you came to see me. I must confess I have missed you”.

L reciprocated the smile. Everything seemed incomprehensible to me.

“I have as well”.

It was then that time almost stopped for me. Their next moves occurred very slowly before me. Way too slowly. Excruciatingly slowly.

Near put his new toy aside and took his time to climb onto L’s lap, who, meanwhile, had sat with his legs crossed.

What followed is something that I will forever be disgusted at the mere thought of.

Near leaned his face close to L’s and…and kissed him on the mouth! L not only did not push him away, as a normal person would have done in his place, but did absolutely nothing to stop him! He even encouraged him, by bringing his hand to Near’s white cheek and caressing it!

I did what I could to stop myself from screaming! I thought I was about to have a stroke! (My chin did turn a little sideways at some point.) I couldn’t stand to look anymore, so I pointed my head to the wall of the hall behind me.

I was devastated and incredibly disgusted at the same time.

My mind just couldn’t process it.

My idol, the only one worthy of my outmost respect, and my worst rival, the most repulsive creature for me in this world... are in a relationship?

At that moment, everything was connected.

That’s why Near is L’s “favourite” successor.

That’s why everyone in here, professors and staff alike, coddle him.

That’s why he’s always one step ahead of me.

What I didn’t ever understand, and still to this day fail to understand, is how L is allowing something like that. How, because of Near, his personal morality and his limits seem to be casted aside and completely ignored.

I was possessed by a feeling of desperation at that moment. I had no idea what I should do.

My first thought was to storm inside and tell them how wrong and twisted what they were doing was. I would probably throw some (and by that I mean a lot of) punches at Near because his genetic anomalies are the reason why he’s dragging L along with him on the road of corruption.

But I quickly pushed the idea aside. I didn’t know whether I could look L in the eye after what I just saw.

My second thought was to run to Matt and tell him everything. I’m not one who likes to gossip, or anything like that, but this was something I needed to get out of me immediately. Kind of like when you have seen a terrible nightmare and feel the need to recount it to someone.

In the end though, I didn’t do anything of the above.

Deep inside me, a part of myself wished for me to be mistaken. I wished I had only imagined the abominable action that had taken part in front of me.

That’s why I looked into the opening again, to make sure I hadn’t been wrong, although I wished I wouldn’t be verified.

When my eyes focused on them again, they were fortunately done kissing, but Near was still curled up on L’s legs, now having wrapped his arms around his neck. His position made the whole scene look even more wrong and obscene, if that were possible.

After a little while, Near let his head rest on L’s shoulder and they stayed like that for a few seconds, me along with them.

L asked at some point;

“Near, don’t you think we should be getting up? It’ll be the time for lunch in a while”.

“Frankly? No”. The white-haired boy answered indifferently.

“Near…”

“Your question was whether I “think” we should be getting up. I am merely answering your question”.

“Then you are free to interpret the question as rhetorical”. L told him and got up, still holding him in his arms.

A small sound of protest escaped Near as L was getting up, obviously wanting to extend the detective’s martyr to spend time with him. Then, L put him on the ground carefully, as if afraid to hurt him. (He needn’t have. Remember, that sheep is impervious to everything.)

“How long are you going to stay?” Near asked, picking up L’s present from the floor, where he had previously abandoned it.

“I’m leaving tomorrow night”.

That was the first time I saw Near express disappointment. A frown covered his face and his eyebrows furrowed slightly. “Oh”. Was the only thing he said.

L didn’t reply anything back. He stared at him almost knowing that he couldn’t say anything more.

Without exchanging another word, both of them started walking to the Playroom’s exit. Immediately, I started running silently to the opposite direction of the hallway, so that they wouldn’t become aware of my lingering there. I completely forgot that I originally wanted to go to my room and instead ran to the library. Without greeting our librarian, I grabbed the first book I came across and sat on the most far-flung table. I wanted time to think.

My mind had the need to analyse what I had seen, while I pretended to read.

The revelation that your mentor is some kind of pedophile and is in a relationship with your number one rival sure needs time processing, doesn’t it?

The only thing I’m sure about is that I don’t blame L for this situation.

I refuse to believe that a person like him, a person so bright, so intelligent, so charismatic, so wise, so…everything, really, is capable for…basically, a crime like that. I don’t understand how a person who chases criminals and fights evil…can be committing a crime himself! Near on the other hand, that stupid, sneaky little sheep is capable of everything! I’m almost sure he’s doing all of this just to get L’s position! Not to mention that he’ll surely ask L for the right answer to his tests!

So that’s why Near always scores a clear 100% on L’s tests and I’m stuck between 85 and 90%! (I won’t even bother mentioning the others’ scores. All of them score terribly on L’s tests. Except Near. Strange, isn’t it?)

The events I just recounted to you happened five days ago. Today is the little idiot’s birthday, and like L said, he couldn’t come. Well, personally, I didn’t see Near bat an eye. I suspect that all he wanted from L was the gift anyway, like the profiteer that he is.

Classes were over for the day, and I was sitting in one of the Common Rooms with Matt. He was, as per usual, lost in his PSP, and droned on about how “cool” and “badass” his game was. I usually listened and followed him, but that wasn’t the case today.

Today Near came to sit with us in the Common Room for the first time. More specifically, he came in holding two things in his hands; an all-white puzzle without any picture in his right hand (colourless like him) and a robot in his left. The robot would be nothing out of the ordinary in a normal situation. But this robot, I strangely remembered it too. It was L’s present!

That little…-

It’s like he’s doing it on purpose! Like he wants to make the events I happened to see five days prior imprint in my memory forever!

But wait. What if…-

When I looked at him again, Near had already sat on the floor, trying to complete his puzzle. He was holding the robot tightly to his chest, as if he actually cherished it. That hypocrite…!

Once Near understood I was staring at him, his eyes left the scattered puzzle-pieces around him and they met with mine.

I’ve always hated his eyes. They all say that they’re “totally similar” with L’s but they’re mistaken. L’s eyes have some kind of life inside them. A spark and a playfulness, similar to that of a child’s, but also a seriousness, are hidden beneath his dark irises. In Near’s eyes, there is nothing. In contrast to his all-white appearance, his eyes are the darkest shade of black I have ever seen. There’s nothing inside them. No life at all. There’s only the want to analyse, to calculate incessantly and to mind only his own profit. And when you make a mistake, they look like huge, black holes, ready to swallow you up. If the eyes are the windows to the soul, then Near is soulless.

We were looking at each other for at least thirty seconds.

And then it happened again.

The corners of Near’s lips moved and his mouth looked like the letter “U”. His teeth, even whiter than his sickly pale skin, almost glowed in the room’s lighting.

Then, I knew!

Near knows!

He knows that five days ago I witnessed his meeting with L and he knows how worried the fact that I know about L and him makes me!

The horror-show he calls “smile” on his pallid face is a telltale proof of that!

Meanwhile, I was almost paralysed. I don’t want to admit it, but his smile is evoking me a small feeling of fear out of me.

After a few seconds, he returned to the completion of his puzzle and paid no more attention to me.

I wasn’t aware of Matt waving his hand in front of my face until I heard his voice.

“Mello! Hey, Mello! What’s up with you?” I heard him ask.

“…Nothing”. I tried to reply indifferently, like Near always seems to be doing. “Why are you asking?”

“Well, because I’ve called your name over six times and you look like you’ve seen a ghost”.

In a way, yes…

Something worse than a ghost…

“It’s nothing”. I said again. “Don’t worry”.

I wanted nothing more than to jump on Near and smash his face to the floor, but I took a hold of myself. Aside from the fact that I don’t want to add a new detention from Roger in my collection, I can’t vilify L’s name like that. If we fought, words that can’t be heard would undoubtedly slip past our mouths. I can’t reveal the obscenities that Near makes L do (with a way that I still haven’t figured out) in front of Matt and everyone else.

If we were alone, things would have been different.

But now, I shall return to the matter I started with.

I hate Near.

I hate the way he hides in his room all the time and avoids everyone. I hate the way his fingers always have to busy themselves with something. I hate the way he always corrects me in the class and out of it when I make mistakes. I hate the way he sits, with one knee close to his chest and the other next to him on the floor. And now, I hate his smile, too.

But there is something that I hate him for much more than I do for all the above combined.

I hate how he can be so vulgar, how he has the nerve to undermine our mentor’s name and fame in such an unacceptable way.

I hate you, N, Near, Next, Nate,…or however the hell you want to be called.

I might start repeating myself, but I am going to say it again.

I don’t think I’ve ever hated someone as much as I hate you, Near.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to study how a bystander would see a relationship between L and Near, but maybe I was wrong to choose Mello...Oh, well...
> 
> Always thank you for reading!


End file.
